A month of weekday blogging

Today is the last day of September and I've been blogging here every weekday this month. Bottom line: I enjoy writing and I've got more topics I want to write about. However, I want to have some sort of organization to the topics, and that's been challenging because I haven't planned out enough lead time. So I'm going to take some time off and figure out where to go from here.

Boundaries

Do you stand up for yourself and for what you believe? Do you speak up? Do you know where you begin and end? Do you know your boundaries?

Knowing your own boundaries is important and I believe it's a part of self respect that each person owes themselves. Of course, this is often easier said than done!

Gedankenexperiment

The idea of a "Gedankenexperiment" (German for "thought experiment") is to think through the steps and consequences of a scientific hypothesis conceptually, rather than set up an actual experiment to test the hypothesis.

Interestingly, I just wrote about thought experiments last week. Have you ever tried this in your every day life? Take an activity and visualize it out from start to finish. Did you remember something you might have forgotten if you hadn't done this "thought experiment"? Sometimes doing a thought experiment can help you figure out if doing something is a good idea or not.

To compartmentalize or not?

Yesterday, I talked about “one thing at a time” as a strategy for coping with the whirlwind when “everything” is upside down. Another strategy is to compartmentalize by only dealing with the absolute most critical - kind of like triage at the hospital emergency department - everything else gets put into a proverbial box, which you give yourself permission to ignore!

I don’t know if it’s mentally healthy in the long run. In the short run, it’s very liberating.

One thing at a time

There are going to be times in your life when "everything" will feel overwhelming or "everything" is going wrong. If you can think ahead and imagine what that might be like, how it might feel, how you might react, you can work to create a plan now. That way, when "everything" hits, you'll already have a starter plan.

For me, the mantra of "one thing at a time" helps. First do one thing, then do the next thing, and so forth. Though it is not easy, you will get through it.

Self Care

What nice thing will you do for yourself this weekend? Ideally, it is easy and low cost so that you'll continue to do this nice thing for yourself. This is the start of creating your self-care ideas toolkit. It's super important for all of us to take care of ourselves. My favorite self care plan is get to sleep early and sleep in (no alarm clock!)

Knowing the difference

Some things are important to get right the first time, other things are not so critical. How can you determine the difference?

One way is experience (time). I realize that's not super helpful if you are young and you don't have a lot of personal experience. Another way is to ask other people for their advice. Again, I realize that's not super helpful if you don't want to ask a parent, guardian, teacher or other trusted adult. 

A third way is to do a thought experiment where you think a choice through from start to finish. How does that feel? Next try a different choice and think it through. How did that different choice feel? Can you think of another way to do it? As you are trying out these thought experiments, you could also bring curiosity into the mix and ask yourself, Why do I feel this? Why do I think this?

If you're on time, you're late, redux

Sometimes, it's do as I say, not as I do.

Today, I had a meeting that started at 9AM. It was a talk that I was interested to hear, though if I didn't attend, nobody would notice.

I had two choices: I could arrive to the meeting super early after an early morning errand (like 8AM which would have been obscenely early for this type of meeting) OR I could go home, see the kids off to school and probably make it there exactly on time.

I chose the latter.

And, of course, there was traffic!

Thus, I rolled up to the parking lot 10 minutes late. For a second, I considered skipping, but I decided, hey, I drove all this way, I may as well go listen.

Except, the stars were aligned to knock me down a notch (who do you think you are to give advice on time management!?) because the room was set up (who does this!?) so that I entered at the FRONT of the room where all eyes turned to me. Luckily, I still had my sunglasses on, so nobody could see my semi-embarrassed eyes.

Why do I share this? Because even though I was late, I'm super glad I went. The talk was very engaging and educational, and I even chatted with the speaker afterwards to get more information.

Sometimes, the possibility of embarrassment holds us back, when in reality, it is short lived and an experience we can chalk up to "being comfortable with being uncomfortable." Consider trying it sometime.

P.S. That story about the guy who got into an accident on the way to the interview? I found out he didn't get the job. Bummer.

Curiosity

When you were a kid, I bet you were super curious about lots of things. Why? Why? Why?

As we get older, our curiosity tends to wane - I think it's because there's more of the daily whirlwind of life that we forget to be curious. I encourage you to stop for a moment and wonder why, and see where that takes you.

No name, no date, no good

At one of my earliest jobs, I created a sketch and shared it with my supervisor. He studied it and handed it back to me, saying: "No name, no date, no good." He didn't explain further or even give feedback on the sketch itself.

I think his point was if you don't have enough pride in your work to document your name and date, then there was no point in anyone even reviewing your work. The sketch needed to stand on its own, and it couldn't do that since there was no ownership or indication of when it had been created.

This phrase has stuck with me all these years. That's why you'll (almost) always see my name (or initials) and the date on my work.

A perfect day to say "Yes And"

Going into the weekend, this is a perfect time to keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities to say "Yes And" to something that looks interesting, even if you're not completely sure about it. Remember, you don't have to know all the answers before you say yes to something. You'll figure it out along the way.

The art of the follow up

Say you haven't heard back from the interviewer, and they said you could expect to hear from them in a week. What do you do when a week becomes 10 days or more? Remember, interviewers are people, and life happens. You may be imagining all the reasons why you haven't heard back (usually negative, right?) How will you actually know the real reason for the delay unless you follow up?

You'll likely think longer about it than actually write the email:

Dear Ms. Smith,

I'm following up about the XYZ position at ABC Corporation. At the interview, you mentioned I'd hear back either way in about a week. I'm super excited to join your team, and wanted to inquire if you have made a decision.

Thank you,

Jean Trujillo

How did you challenge yourself today?

Yesterday, I talked about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. You are most likely not going to want to get any practice. However, if you want to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, you will need to challenge yourself. Sometimes, it's a matter of "just do it" and don't think too hard about it.

My theory about why we don't jump at the chance to "just do it" is because we are afraid of the unknown, or we think people will judge us, etc. What I have generally found is people aren't thinking about you. They are actually thinking about themselves. So, next time you have a choice that feels scary, maybe "just do it" and be curious about how that feels.

It will be okay.

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable

This can be a challenge. Who wants to be uncomfortable? The idea is if you let yourself feel uncomfortable, with time, you will learn to be comfortable with that feeling of uncomfortableness. I can confirm, it does not feel good to be uncomfortable. However, when you try it, i.e. let yourself feel the emotions, you will discover you have survived, and the next time might be a little easier.

If you're on time, you're late, bonus!

I just heard a story to share. A candidate was on his way to an interview and he got into a car accident (not his fault.) His partner picked him up and drove him to the interview, and because he had left home so much earlier, he made it to the interview on time and was completely calm. Wow! That's amazing! I forgot to ask if he got the job!

showing up, part 2

Last Friday, I said the first step in life is showing up.

I want to take a moment to say there are going to be days when you're not able to show up and that's okay. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself and show up when you can.

Remember, every day is a new day to try again.

If you're on time, you're late, part 4

Your estimates will improve with experience. For me, if I am traveling locally and I am generally familiar with the area, I plan to be 15 minutes early (so not much buffer). If it's local and super high stakes, I might plan to be 30 minutes early. If I'm traveling a longer distance, say to Philadelphia which is a 90 minute drive for me, I might give myself a full hour buffer time. If I'm traveling to NYC which is also about a 90 minute drive, I might give myself an even larger buffer because traffic is more unpredictable.

Years ago, I lived in NH and had a job interview in NJ. I drove down the day before the interview! Yes, that's a lot of buffer. After I checked into the hotel, I drove to the interview location to familiarize myself with the route. This was in the days before GPS, and I used a paper map. I also knew that it would be rush hour traffic in the morning, so getting familiar with the drive from hotel to job site was my way of being early.

And, I got the job.

If you're on time, you're late, part 3

Yesterday's questions focused on calculating the amount of time you need to be ready for your 9AM interview. So really, the purpose of being early is so you're ready at the agreed upon time of 9AM.

What does it mean "to be ready?" A general rule of thumb is if you are in the reception area (i.e. you have given your name to the receptionist) 10-15 minutes before your scheduled interview time, you're early (i.e. on time). That means you've used the restroom, you're calm, you're fully present and ready to be interviewed whenever the interviewer comes to get you.

Being early gives you a factor of safety (i.e. breathing room) in case one of your estimates is wrong. Say you miss the bus, when is the next one scheduled to arrive? You'll be able to be calm because you have planned a buffer.

Yesterday's questions will help you determine  "what time to leave your location so you are early."

If you're on time, you're late, part 2

In yesterday's post, I asked what time should you arrive to qualify as "on time"?

Here are some questions you might ask to decide how early you should be:

1) How much time does it take to get from your current location to the interview location?

2) How familiar are you with the interview location?

3) What will traffic be like on the day and at the time of the interview?

4) Will you need to go through security / receptionist / elevator to get to the interview office?

5) Do you need to use the restroom once you arrive?

6) Do you need time for a calming / pep talk ritual?

What other aspects should you consider? I'll continue tomorrow.

If you're on time, you're late

This advice is one of my all time favorites: "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late."

Remember, we are not the Queen of England or POTUS. That means people are not waiting on us, and we need to be ready at the agreed upon time.

Similar to Friday's post about "showing up," there's actually a lot to unpack here.

Let's say your interview is at 9AM. What time should you arrive? Based on the first sentence of this blog, you know what the answer is not: 9AM. However, how early qualifies as "on time?" Great question. The answer is: it depends.

Jot down some thoughts about how you'd start to answer this question. I'll continue tomorrow.

The first step is showing up

The idea of "showing up" sounds super simple. In fact, it's a deeply profound, important and often overlooked step of the journey from youth to young adult to adult.

What does it mean to "show up?" 

It might be attending class when you don't feel like it, or when the professor says they're not taking attendance. It might be meeting a friend for lunch even though now you're feeling anxious. It might be putting forth your best work at your job, even though you're exhausted.

If nobody has ever specifically talked to you about showing up, you might not understand how this seemingly simple action deserves recognition, positive attention and praise. Showing up is self-respect, integrity and personal responsibility. Every day you practice showing up is another step forward on the path to being an adult. That deserves a round of applause.

The first step in life is showing up.

Welcome to my blog!

Welcome to my blog "Yes And Jean."

You may be wondering about the odd name. It's because the multiple other combinations I tried were already taken*. At some point, the blog address was less important than getting started, so here we are!

The purpose of this blog is to share life advice with young people as they navigate from youth to young adult to adult. In my other blog "Life lessons to share," each day of the week has a specific topic, i.e. Mondays are "Quotable Quotes," Tuesdays are "Life Lessons," etc. I haven't decided yet if I'll follow a similar pattern here.

The idea of "Yes And" comes from improv - it's the idea of affirming what someone else has said ("Yes") and linking the second part ("And") in a way that makes the first and second parts equal. This is in contrast to "Yes But" which elevates the part after the "But" over the first part.

My favorite way of using "Yes And" is to explore new opportunities without necessarily knowing all the answers up front. It's a way of being curious enough to say "Yes" and then saying "And I'll figure it out along the way." In December 2020, I said "Yes And" to being part of the Zoom technical team for an online conference, and it was a great experience. I didn't have to know all the answers when I started because we had an amazing team and we figured it out together!

I'll end here because another thing I like to do is keep my posts short. I was all about TL;DR^ before I even knew the abbreviation.

* And frustratingly, those blogs are dormant!

^ Too long; didn't read - you know all those open browser windows? I need to accept I'll never read those articles.